Earlier this week, I had a call with a stranger at 10pm Seattle time. It was late, I had been up since 4:30am, and I debated rescheduling eight or nine times before it was too late.
I was speaking to someone in Dubai who worked at my former company after me. We missed one another by just a few months, although they obviously heard my name, and I had seen them mentioned on LinkedIn several times. They even messaged me a few months ago when I had a blurb written in the WSJ.
We had been friendly as long-distance people who knew one another by name and image, but that was about all.
A few months ago, I heard a rumor that my former boss was disparaging my name out there. It's not a surprise — he was the biggest narcissist I've ever met in my life, so to think that he manipulated some story about my exit or desire to no longer work for him wouldn't be inaccurate. Frankly, I don't give a fuck because everyone knows exactly how successful my time was out there, and my decision to leave was purely based on wanting to be back in the states.
I always know that once you leave an organization, they're going to say some things about you. When you work there, you're a hero, and as soon as you are replaced, you're a has-been of yesterday who wasn't half as good as the new person who replaced you.
So, a few minutes into this call, it hit me.
"I'm sure this guy has been told some bullshit story about my time at the company by my former boss."
This message kept going through my head, and it sort of fucked with me.
He mentioned several times how my previous team who worked for me said great things and really enjoyed working with me, but we all know that the opinion you listen to when starting a new role is that of your boss. If the previous guy was painted as a loser by your leader who hired you, then you have that in the back of your head.
I've been there myself, having replaced people before. You come in as the new shiny object who is there to correct all of the sins of the past. You're there because the last person was either good enough to get by or they were ousted. You're never there because you replaced God himself.
Even if you did replace God, I guarantee you they would still find a way to paint him in a bad light.
"You know, that God character wasn't really that special. That whole water-into-wine trick was tiring, and we had enough."
Then they expect you to turn that wine back into water, except this time, making it sparkling.
I don't know why, but it really fucked with my head during this call. I kept thinking he was thinking something that wasn't true or real, but he was told.
I don't know why I gave such a fuck either. I'll never work with this guy. I know that whatever bullshit story that was shared with him about me was shared by someone I will forever discredit due to the way they handled themselves.
But it was really in the back of my head the entire time during our call.
I think there are a few things I came away with after it was all said and done.
1. Don't ever give a fuck about what anyone is ever thinking or saying about you, no matter how hard it is to move past.
2. You're going to always have haters and doubters in your journey. Fuck 'em.
3. There can always be a narrative out there that isn't accurate, but you can rise above it.
It's always easier said than done, but I promise you that you can never control the narrative the way you want to.
The narrative out there isn't yours; it's the story of others. You can impact it in the best way possible, but you can't own it.
So, here's the bottom line: control what you can and let go of the rest. People will talk, they'll have their versions of your story, and they'll pass judgment from the sidelines — and it's all noise. You don't have to let it live rent-free in your mind. The narrative others create about you? It's like background static. It exists, but you don't need to tune into it. What matters is how you carry yourself, your actions, and the truth you know. Stand by your story, stay grounded in your values, and let your work speak louder than their words ever could.
At the end of the day, the only narrative that truly matters is the one you tell yourself.