Your Business Card Isn't Your Identity

Stop asking people what they do. Start asking them what they care about.

I love to hear what people do. I'm curious about their careers by nature of the work I do, but I also realize that not everyone wants to be identified by their career. It can sell a person short when you're so focused on their identity being the title they operate by.

We're all more than our job titles, but it creates unnecessary pressure when someone's value is measured only by what's printed on their business card.

You've been conditioned to lead with job titles. Trained to value people based on what company name shows up under their LinkedIn headline. It's easy, fast, and feels polite. But it tells you nothing that matters. You're not learning who they are. You're learning where they sit in the social hierarchy.

That question — "what do you do" — puts people in a box before they've even had a chance to show you what's inside. It reduces someone's identity to a single bullet point on a resume. It rewards performance, not presence.

You've probably felt it yourself. Someone asks what you do, and you hesitate. Not because you don't know the answer, but because you know that answer doesn't tell the whole story. You're more than your job, your department, your org chart. So is everyone else.

Ask better questions. Ask what they're building, what lights them up, what they've been learning lately. Ask what they're proud of that no one else sees. The goal is to connect. To stop treating people like business cards and start seeing them as full humans.

People remember how you made them feel, not how polished your intro was. They remember the question that made them pause, smile, or open up in a way they didn't expect. You want to stand out? Be the person who actually gives a damn.

Next time you meet someone, resist the script. Don't default to small talk. Don't lead with status. Lead with curiosity. People can feel when your questions have weight. They notice when you're actually listening.

You don't need a better elevator pitch. You need a better question. Start there. That's how stronger connections are built.