I swear that you can completely knock heads with an individual in one setting and in another, become close confidants.
Last week, I came across a former coworker of mine in another setting. We worked together a few years back, and we always had a contentious relationship. I always found her difficult, and she probably thought I was an idiot or something. Either way, it was always a struggle to get anything accomplished when the two of us were in a room together.
Then, all of a sudden, the setting changed, the players around us changed, the goals changed, and now we're working together well.
I started to think about the why behind these feelings. What was it that caused me to feel this change?
I think it comes down to the fact that there are settings in the workplace that can make us go a little nuts. It doesn't even have to be a standard workplace — it could be a business relationship or circumstances surrounding a partnership. There are times when we act and behave in a way that isn't always in line with how we think and feel, but the settings that we're in can severely impact this.
If you work in a pressure cooker of an environment, you may become a bit of a jerk. If you work with people who are competitive, you may find yourself pushing others beyond their limits.
And the reverse is true, too. When you're in an environment where trust and collaboration are the norm, your walls start to come down. You stop viewing every interaction as a power play and start seeing people for who they really are — not just how they fit into your agenda, or get in the way of it.
This shift in dynamics can completely change the nature of relationships. In my case, I realized that my contentious relationship with this former coworker wasn't really about her — or me. It was about the circumstances. We were both navigating a high-stakes environment with conflicting priorities, and that tension bled into how we treated each other.
When those external pressures were removed, we could see each other more clearly. We weren't adversaries anymore. We were just two professionals, each with valuable perspectives and skills, working toward a shared goal. It was like flipping a switch.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson: don't define someone — or yourself — by how you act in one setting. Context matters. People are multidimensional, and the dynamics that drive workplace behavior are often more about the environment than the individual.
So the next time you find yourself clashing with someone, ask yourself: is it really about them? Or is it about the setting you're both in? You might be surprised at how much can change when the circumstances do. Relationships aren't fixed — they're fluid. And sometimes, all it takes is a change of scenery to turn an "enemy" into an ally.