Evaluate Your Circle

Every few weeks, my phone rings around 11pm on a Friday night.

It's a long-lost friend calling me after a few drinks to reminisce about the good ol' days. This "friend" was once a close one — we played sports together, partied in college, traveled the world. Then, after we graduated, we drifted apart for no obvious reason to those around us.

But to me, it was very clear.

Shortly after graduating from college, I was married and buying my first house. I was focused on my career, working to earn, to get promoted, and to set a foundation for my family's future.

He was gallivanting around looking for parties and fun. I was busy trying to learn corporate jargon while he was working dead-end jobs and mixing drinks with co-eds.

I'm not judging — I've written before about vices and I don't stand on any pedestal here. My whole point with this is: it's time to rethink your circle and your surroundings.

I love the guy. I will always have room in my heart for him and the history we share. But the time comes for us to re-evaluate our circle and ask if the people we're around are serving us well today.

Every time he calls, I already know how the conversation is going to go. It's a highlight reel of the past — the same five stories we've already told a hundred times. The same jokes, the same memories, the same energy. And while I appreciate the nostalgia, it all feels stuck. Like pressing play on a playlist I've outgrown.

We rarely talk about the present. We definitely don't talk about the future. And maybe that's the problem. Because I'm not trying to live in the rearview mirror. I'm trying to build something new. And that requires people who challenge me, push me, ask better questions, and want to see me grow.

Growth gets real when you start getting honest about your environment. Who are you talking to every week? Who has your ear? Who are you giving your time to out of habit, not alignment?

We don't talk enough about the emotional weight of outgrowing relationships. We feel guilty. We worry we're being disloyal. We confuse distance with disrespect. But sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let someone stay where they are while you continue forward.

So when the phone rings late at night and I see his name, I don't answer. It might sound cold, but it's the clarity of where my life is — and where I encourage you to get to as well.