Over the course of my career and life as an adult, I've had ebbs and flows in how I have managed to juggle all of the important pillars of life. It's easy to overlook what is important at times and to often drop the most important balls when you need them the most. After all, life is a journey, and it's rarely a perfect line in any direction, no matter where you are headed.
As such, I happened to come across an article yesterday that sort of blew my mind. It was titled, "The Four Burner Effect." The concept is fairly simple. Think of a stovetop that has four burners. Each one of them is a pillar of your life.
They are career, family, friends, and health.
The concept of the article was that in order to achieve the goals you wish to achieve, you probably have to turn a burner off or down at some point to focus on the other three because you don't have enough time, energy, and resources to be able to turn all four on.
It went deeper to say that the most successful people probably turn two burners off and only focus on the remaining two because they are in a period of their life where they have to be hyper-focused.
Stop and think about some of the most successful people you know today. Can you honestly say they have all four burners going at one time?
I'll tell you this. There have been times in my adult life that I've had three going, but I don't think I've ever successfully had four running at once. There have been times I've had health, career, and friends running and turned off the family burner, knowing it would always be there, but I didn't give it the attention it deserved. Today, I can argue that I've somewhat shut off the friends and the health burner, knowing that I don't see my friends at the same pace I once did, just due to time and schedule, and I for sure am not prioritizing my health today.
It's hard to imagine running at full speed with all four burners turned on. It would look like working 8-10-hour days, being there for school pickup, or never missing a kid's sporting event while also doing date night consistently. You would be at the gym 4-5 times per week, and you would also have time to catch a dinner out or a happy hour with your friends. It sounds possible, yes, but can you do it 52 weeks a year and maintain that pace? If you can, great, but I can also argue that if you can, you will burn out at some point. I can also argue that if you can, you will most likely fail to advance one of those core areas because you'll only have enough energy to go through the motions.
Here is the part that hit me hardest when I sat with this idea a little longer.
We love to pretend that balance is the goal, like life is some Pinterest-worthy stovetop where everything simmers perfectly, and nothing boils over. But maybe balance is seasonal, not constant. Maybe the real skill is knowing which burner deserves the flame right now and having the courage to turn another one down without guilt. Not because it is unimportant, but because it is not the priority in this chapter. There is a difference between neglect and strategy. One is accidental. The other is intentional.
What gets dangerous is when we do not consciously choose. When the career burner stays on because emails never stop. When the health burner fades because we are tired. When the friend's burner dims because it is easier to cancel than commit. When the family burner gets whatever scraps of energy are left at the end of the day.
That is not a plan. That is drift. And drift is expensive. It costs momentum. It costs connection. It costs time you do not get back. If you are going to turn something down, own it. Say it out loud. This season, I am leaning into this. This season, I am rebuilding that. At least then you are driving instead of floating.
You probably cannot run all four burners on high forever. But you can decide which ones deserve the heat right now. You can audit your life instead of reacting to it. You can accept that there will be seasons of intensity and seasons of recalibration. The real question is not whether all four are on. The real question is whether the ones that matter most in this moment are getting your best energy. Because if you do not choose, life will choose for you. And that is a recipe you may not like when it is finally served.