Know When To Leave The Emotion Behind

I know you want to get even. I know you want to prove a point. I know it makes you feel better to say the things you really want to say in the heat of the moment. I understand that it's about being right, saying the last word, and often just getting it all off your chest.

It feels good to yell and scream sometimes, and even better, it just feels good to tell someone how you feel.

Oftentimes, I'll get calls from people wanting to run a scenario by me. That scenario often involves them getting something off their chest and telling someone how they feel at work — usually pointed toward their leader or something in their environment that's causing them pain. They're almost seeking my approval to give them the green light to make that phone call.

My question is always the same: "What are you trying to accomplish with this action?"

So often, what they are trying to accomplish and what will most likely happen as a result are two very different things. The emotions of our thoughts and feelings tend to overshadow the outcome we're trying to accomplish. We think we're acting calm and collected, just trying to say something that will make us feel better — but in the end, it does damage we don't actually intend.

And then what? You feel better for five minutes. Maybe ten. But now the relationship is strained, the trust is cracked, and the conversation becomes about how you said it instead of what you meant. You wanted change. What you got was a mess. Not because your point wasn't valid, but because your delivery hijacked the impact.

Here's the thing: the truth doesn't always need to be loud to land. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is slow down, zoom out, and play the tape forward. Ask yourself, "Does this help me move forward or just help me feel seen in the moment?" Because those are two very different outcomes.

This isn't about swallowing your voice. It's about choosing the version of you that's most aligned with the future you're building — not the one trying to win a moment. If your goal is to be heard, make sure you're speaking in a way that actually allows that to happen.

The smartest people I coach aren't the ones who suppress their feelings. They're the ones who channel them with intention. They know how to pause. They know how to wait until the delivery matches the goal.

So before you send that message or walk into that meeting guns blazing, ask yourself the real question: am I helping me win the war, or am I just trying to win the round? Because your words will echo a lot longer than your impulse.