Nobody Really Cares If You Say No To The Event

One of the best learning moments in my career was realizing that nobody really cared if I missed the event, didn't show up to happy hour, or said no to the extracurricular weekend activity I thought was important to my career development.

Now, come with me on this journey as I talk out of both sides of my mouth.

First, I believe that when you are just starting out, you must show up to everything. You say yes to the drinks, to the weekend non-paid event, to the hours spent with clients or partners, to the conferences, to the team building, whatever it may be. You show up. You say yes. You do it. And you don't think twice about it.

I hate to admit it, but the truth is that your mere physical presence at these things gives you a leg up on the people who turn them down. And again, I admit, it's ridiculous, and it's oftentimes unfair, but it's the reality of trying to achieve and get ahead in whatever you're doing.

You gotta say yes, you gotta be everywhere.

But to my point, the day I learned I didn't have to be at all these things or that frankly, nobody cared if I was, was an amazing day.

That realization didn't happen overnight. It came after years of overextending myself, saying yes to everything, and assuming that being everywhere was the same as being valuable. I believed visibility equaled progress. That if I wasn't in the room, I'd miss the moment that changed everything. But what I eventually learned was that the moments that matter most in your career don't always happen in public. They happen in the quiet, in the decisions you make when nobody's watching, and in the way you carry yourself when there's no applause waiting on the other side.

There's a strange freedom that comes when you realize the world keeps moving without you. The event goes on. The conversation continues. The project gets finished. And yet, you still wake up the next morning just fine. At first, that might bruise your ego a bit. But once it settles, it feels like relief. You start to understand that your worth isn't tied to being seen. It's tied to the work you do, the energy you bring, and the consistency you show up with when it actually counts.

The truth is, saying yes all the time isn't sustainable. Eventually, the version of you who shows up everywhere starts to blur into someone you barely recognize. You get tired. You lose track of why you started in the first place. And while you might still be collecting opportunities, you stop collecting perspective.

There's a balance that nobody really teaches you. Early in your career, saying yes builds momentum. Later in your career, saying no builds peace. Both are required to grow. The trick is knowing when to make the switch. When to stop chasing every room and start curating the ones that actually matter.

Now, I'm not telling you to stop showing up. I'm saying learn to show up differently. Show up with intention. Show up because it aligns with who you're becoming, not who you're trying to impress. There's a power that comes with walking into a room because you want to be there, not because you feel you have to be. People can feel that difference.

So yes, when you're starting out, say yes to everything. But as you grow, give yourself permission to say no without guilt because the same energy that once helped you climb will eventually burn you out if you don't learn how to use it wisely.

The lesson isn't that you shouldn't show up; it's that showing up means something different at every stage of your career. And the sooner you learn that, the more room you make for the kind of growth that actually lasts.

And now that I'm hitting the 20-year mark of my career, I love saying, 'No thanks,' to that event I don't want to attend!