As I've gotten older, I have fewer single friends than ever. But there was a time when my friend group was full of people who were dating, falling in love, falling out of love, and more.
I remember the conversations all too well.
"I really like her, but she does this weird thing with her fork when she eats pasta."
"I think he's super cute, but he says these bad jokes."
"She's great, she really is, but she's 20 minutes away from my house, and it just feels like a trek."
"He has no style, I mean, I want to be in love with him, but why does he dress like that?"
On the surface, these are all fairly small things. They are idiosyncrasies that on their own aren't that big of a deal, and in reality, if you are really in love with someone, then you look past them.
Driving across town to see your new relationship isn't an issue if you're madly in love.
If you get to a place where you despise this individual, then all of a sudden, a drive further than 5 minutes is a painful process.
My point is we will go to extreme lengths in situations where we're excited, elated, or feeling positive about what's happening in both our career and personal lives.
We won't bother, and we'll be more than annoyed in situations where we're not feeling it, not into the process, and just over whatever the situation may be.
I've seen people lose interest in jobs so fast when they're not getting paid appropriately or when they're not being treated with the value they deserve. I've also seen people work above and beyond, while being underpaid and undervalued, but they love the team and the people they work with.
We make sacrifices when we want, and we decide not to when we want.
What fascinates me about all of it is how quickly our tolerance expands or contracts based on how we feel about the bigger picture. When we are lit up about someone or something, the small inconveniences barely register. We reinterpret them. We laugh about them. We turn them into quirks and stories. The same human who once complained about a twenty-minute drive suddenly finds themselves happily sitting in traffic because the destination feels worth it.
The behavior did not change. The emotion did.
Careers operate the exact same way, even though we pretend they are more rational. When someone feels aligned with their work, when they believe in the mission, when they feel respected and valued, they will stretch. They will take on the extra project. They will stay a little longer. They will push through the occasional frustration because the overall experience feels meaningful.
But when that alignment disappears, when appreciation fades or growth stalls, the smallest request can feel like an insult. A meeting becomes unbearable. A minor inconvenience becomes evidence that something is wrong. The distance has not changed. The desire has.
That is why I always tell people to pay attention to their energy before they analyze the logistics. If you are constantly irritated by the small things, it might not be about the fork, the jokes, the wardrobe, or the commute. It might be that your heart is no longer in it. And when your heart is gone, everything feels heavier. The same is true in your job. If every Slack message feels like an interruption and every task feels like a burden, it may be less about workload and more about misalignment.
We make sacrifices when we want to because desire makes effort feel lighter. We withdraw effort when we do not because misalignment makes everything feel like friction. The question is not whether the drive is long, or the jokes are bad, or the workload is heavy. The question is whether you are invested enough in the outcome to willingly absorb the imperfections.
Because when you care deeply, inconvenience feels temporary. When you do not, even the smallest thing can feel like too much.