Having a teenager is like living with a wild animal. Just about the time you think you start to figure them out, they completely throw you for a loop. One minute they're your best friend having an adult-like conversation in the kitchen, and then literally an hour later they look at you like an irritated roommate who is living in their house.
We have a fifteen-year-old son, and let me start by saying — he is a great kid. He stays out of trouble, is respectful, has been involved at school playing football, and has a great friend group. So consider what I'm about to say with a grain of salt. But my god, I can't figure out how the teenage brain works.
Last week, during a conversation about his academics, I offered him cash incentives for good grades. His response made me order a DNA test to confirm the nurses didn't screw something up back in 2010. 'I'm not interested in that,' he said. I stared at him for a good minute before I could muster the words to reply.
I was so confused. Who doesn't want an incentive? Why would you not want cash payments in exchange for good grades? Then I went down the rabbit hole. If he's not motivated by money, then what in the hell is he motivated by?
Our motivations drive everything for us, and knowing them and then unlocking them becomes the key driver to everything we do. I've met people who have celebrated their fiftieth birthday and still don't know what their motivations or drivers are. It's sort of scary to think you can go that long without really understanding what fuels you.
When I ask people what motivates them, oftentimes money is said first. But when we get to the bottom of it, money really isn't first and foremost. Most people are not actually chasing money — they are chasing what money represents to them. Freedom. Security. Validation. Optionality. Control. Peace of mind. The number itself is rarely the thing doing the motivating; it is the story attached to what that number unlocks.
That moment with my son stopped me in my tracks because it exposed how much I project my own wiring onto other people. Watching him look at me like I was speaking a foreign language made it obvious that motivation is not a template you can reuse. It is personal, contextual, and often invisible until you bump into it the wrong way.
This is where a lot of people get sideways as adults. They build careers around incentives they think they are supposed to want, not the ones that actually energize them. They chase titles, paychecks, and milestones because those are the markers they have seen rewarded. Eventually, they end up successful on paper and quietly miserable in reality. The real unlock is getting honest about what actually moves you, and then having the courage to design your life around that.