During a press conference after a Week 6 loss in 2006, Head Coach Dennis Green of the Arizona Cardinals went on an epic rant. A rant that rivals Jim Mora's "Playoffs?! Playoffs?" and even Allen Iverson's "Practice? We talking 'bout practice?"
Coach Green was pissed. His team has just lost to the Chicago Bears 24-23, but the Cardinals were up 20-0 at halftime. They blew an incredible lead to lose the game, so rightfully so, some F bombs were going to fly.
"They are who we thought they were… and we let them off the hook!" Coach Green screamed as he hit the podium with the anger of an emotional teenager.
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For years, I've thought about that rant when thinking about people who show their true colors when times get tough. You see, the comment, "they are who we thought they were," usually comes to light when someone gets blindsided by a situation or a way in which someone responds.
The thing is, you can't control others, but you can control how you show up. It doesn't mean you can't have emotions or feelings around the situation, but you can control your response when things unfold.
In my career, I've worked with dozens of people who were great when times were good, and who ultimately flipped when times got tough. I worked with one particular individual who was awful to me from the moment we met (via email, even!), and each time I started to warm up to her, I got snake bitten with her attitude and approach, reminding me again, "she was who I thought she was." I even had a customer with whom I cut a shady deal one time on the back of a piece of paper, and when that agreement blew up in my face, and he kicked me out of his office, I remember leaving thinking, "He is who I thought he was."
I'm not saying you should just be ok with the way people behave, but what I am saying is don't be surprised when it happens.
At some point, you stop being shocked, and you start paying attention. Patterns show up early if you're willing to see them. The problem is that most of us ignore those early signals because we want things to work out. We give people the benefit of the doubt, we rationalize behavior, we tell ourselves stories that make it easier to stay comfortable. Then, when it inevitably plays out the way it was always trending, we act surprised.
There's a difference between being optimistic and being naive. Optimism says things can improve. Naivety says ignore what's right in front of you. When someone consistently shows you how they operate under pressure, that's not a one-off moment. Pressure doesn't create character; it reveals it.
This is where it flips back on you. The real question isn't just who they are, it's who you are when things get messy. Do you stay steady, or do you unravel? Do you take ownership, or do you look for someone else to blame? Anyone can be easy to work with when things are smooth. The real test shows up when the deal is breaking, the numbers are off, and the room starts to feel uncomfortable.
You don't get to control how others act, but you do get to decide how you respond and what you tolerate moving forward. Learn to recognize the signs sooner. Trust your instincts a little faster. Then act accordingly.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time and make sure you're proud of who you are when it counts.