The second time I ever got thrown out of a client's office, I was at a moving and storage business trying to pitch a client to advertise. I had even brought in my "jingle guy" because, back in the day, jingles on television were a big deal. This guy brought in a keyboard and, right on the spot, came up with a jingle for the :30 commercial that I was trying to sell to this guy.
I was working in the media business selling commercial airtime for NBC Television, and it was my job to go out and sell packages to auto dealers, lawyers, retail stores, and everything in between. It was a great job, and I loved the media business, but every once in a while you had a client who basically threatened to trespass you, and well, this just happened to be my day.
For whatever reason, this guy had enough of me trying to close him on a deal, and he stood up behind his desk, walked around the back of the chair I was sitting in, and pointed to the exit. That was the end; it was time for me to leave.
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For the next sixteen years, when I would see their trucks around town, I would laugh to myself about this jerk who kicked me out.
Then, one day I needed a moving company to help me evict my tenant from my home. We had moved back from Dubai, and our renter wouldn't leave. So on this fateful day, after months and months of agony, we had the Sheriff, a locksmith, and a moving company. The first moving company I called happened to be the particular group that kicked me out of their office sixteen years prior. They answered the call, and they showed up the day of the eviction to move this idiot out of my house.
For sixteen years, I cursed this company, I laughed at the story, and I sang the jingle when I saw the trucks, and all of a sudden, any ill feelings I had were gone as a result of them showing up when I needed them.
You see, things change, people change, companies change, systems change, processes change. If you hold a grudge forever, you only hold yourself back. I had no idea that one day this moving company would show up like Knights in Shining Armor to help me out in one of my most vulnerable states of mind, but they did.
The funny thing is, I don't even remember the guy who kicked me out anymore. I remember the office. I remember the finger pointing toward the door. I remember my jingle guy awkwardly packing up his keyboard while I tried to pretend I wasn't embarrassed. But the actual person? Gone from memory. The grudge lasted longer than the details.
We do this all the time in our careers. Someone screws us over, overlooks us, fires us, embarrasses us, says something stupid, or makes a decision we think is wildly unfair, and we decide that person or that company is dead to us forever. We build a little mental file cabinet around the experience, and every time their name comes up, we pull the folder back out and remind ourselves why we hate them.
There is a difference between remembering a lesson and carrying around resentment. One helps you make better decisions. The other just takes up space.
The problem is that life is too long for that shit. Sixteen years is a long time. Companies turn over leadership. People leave. Cultures change. The person who made your life miserable may be gone five years later while the company itself becomes something completely different. Yet if you are still operating off the version you knew a decade ago, you may be making decisions based on information that is no longer true.
That doesn't mean you have to forget what happened. I'm a big believer in remembering the lesson. If someone showed you who they were, pay attention. If a company treated you terribly, understand what happened and why. But there is a difference between remembering a lesson and carrying around resentment. One helps you make better decisions. The other just takes up space.
I've had people from previous jobs who I swore I would never speak to again become helpful connections years later. I've watched companies I wanted nothing to do with reinvent themselves under new leadership. I've even had relationships that ended badly turn into perfectly normal professional relationships after enough time passed, and everyone grew up a little bit. Time has a funny way of changing the context around things we once thought were permanent.
So maybe the lesson from my moving company story isn't that you should immediately forgive every asshole who kicks you out of their office. I still think that guy was a jerk. The lesson is that you should leave enough room in your thinking for the possibility that things can change. One day, the company you cursed for sixteen years might be standing in your driveway when you desperately need help, and you might be really damn glad you made the call.