I have a long-lost mutual friend. Today, I was talking to someone about that long-lost mutual friend. I sort of casually brought up their name, just wondering if they had seen them in a while. They said yes; they do every once in a while, since their partner is a lifelong friend of theirs.
I sort of smiled and nodded, and then they said to me, "They're a weirdo."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Because this long-lost mutual friend is a fucking weirdo. And I needed this individual to give me the nod that they knew this other individual was a level nine odd duck. Without that, I would be sitting here judging their character, wondering whether they think this individual is a great stand-up person or not, which would be an issue.
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But now I know they have a good judge of character, because they too agree that this particular person sort of sucks.
Look, judgment of character is one thing, but at the end of the day it comes down to who you're hanging around and what that network is made up of.
The older I get, the more I realize this stuff matters. Maybe more than people want to admit.
We love to say not to judge, and sure, nobody is perfect; people have flaws, and everyone has a weird side to them. I get all of that. But there is a big difference between someone being a little quirky and someone being a total disaster of a human being who leaves a trail of nonsense behind them everywhere they go.
What makes it interesting is that this is not really about that person. I already know who they are. They have been telling on themselves for years. This is more about the company people keep and whether the people around them are willing to call it like it is. If you spend enough time around questionable people and never seem to notice they are questionable, that starts to say something about you too.
My father-in-law used to always say, "lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas," and he was right.
That is true in life, and it is absolutely true in your career. A lot of people want to separate the two as if your professional network is just some giant list of names on LinkedIn that means nothing. But your network is a reflection of your standards. It reflects who you trust, who you admire, who you let influence you, and who you are willing to attach your name to.
Your network is a reflection of your standards.
You do not need a massive network. You do not need to know everybody. You do not need to shake a thousand hands at every event and collect business cards like it is 1997. What you need is to be thoughtful about who gets access to you, who you spend time with, and who you are willing to endorse through association. People absolutely make judgments based on that, even if they don't say it out loud.
I have always believed that one of the fastest ways to understand someone is to look around at who they spend their time with. Who are their closest professional relationships? Who do they constantly praise? Who do they defend? Who do they bring into rooms? Who do they recommend for opportunities? That tells you a whole lot more than whatever polished bio they wrote about themselves.
And this works both ways. It is not just about avoiding weirdos, clowns, and energy vampires. It is also about intentionally putting yourself around people who make you better. People who are smart, grounded, self-aware, and honest. People who can disagree without being ridiculous. People who are ambitious without being fake. People who have actually built something and do not need to talk about it every five minutes.
If you are trying to grow in your career, this matters more than most people realize. Bad networks normalize bad behavior. Weak networks normalize low standards. Shaky people make you start second-guessing what is acceptable. Before long, you are spending time around people who gossip, posture, overpromise, and operate with zero self-awareness, and then you wonder why your own thinking feels a little off.
So yes, judgment of character matters. It matters a lot. And when someone gives you that little signal that they see the same thing you see, it can be strangely comforting. Not because it is fun to talk badly about someone, but because it reminds you that discernment still exists.
At the end of the day, who you hang around with is not a small thing. It is one of the clearest signals of who you are, what you tolerate, and where your life and career are probably headed.