You Can't Control the Call. You Can Control the Reaction.
I got benched in the second game of a doubleheader my Junior year of baseball because I swung at a 3-1 curveball in the dirt after my coach explicitly told us he would bench anyone who did so. Then I struck out, probably on another curveball in the dirt.
Walking back to the dugout, I remember thinking, "Well, I guess I get to rest for game 2."
I can still remember hearing Coach Sanders yell at all of us after we struggled through the first few innings at the plate. Then, when he gave his demand that we better lay off the junk pitches on a 3-1 count, it was almost like I was a moth to a flame on that pitch.
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So when game two started, and my backup was playing first base, I sat back and watched the action unfold. And my backup didn't disappoint either. He went on to make 2 errors in the field, costing us some runs, and he apparently loved curveballs in the dirt, too, striking out three times at the plate.
After the game, I remember looking at Coach Sanders differently. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved this guy as a coach, and in fact, he's a legend in high school baseball, still coaching today. He's one of the better coaches I've ever played for in any sport. I learned a lot from him; he taught us how to be good citizens, students, and athletes. I'm grateful I got the chance to play for him.
But Coach Sanders could be petty. He could make short-sighted decisions that were often emotional and could cost us games. And he would never admit that it was the wrong move either. That particular day, I sort of reveled in the fact that my backup struggled and maybe even cost us the game. It sounds petty that I responded that way myself, but that's the defense mechanism inside us as humans.
When someone treats us a certain way, it's easy for us to respond or react emotionally, but the best way for us to approach these scenarios is to remain calm and level-headed and not fight fire with fire.
We deal with these tests every day at work. It's almost like people are placed strategically in front of us in these situations to just see how we're going to respond.
What most people don't realize in those moments is that the reaction you choose is quietly building your reputation, not just with others, but with yourself. You start stacking evidence, either that you are someone who can stay composed when things get messy, or someone who lets the moment pull you down into it. The frustrating part is that nobody hands you a scoreboard for this. There is no stat sheet for restraint, no highlight reel for choosing discipline over ego, but over time, those decisions compound in a way that becomes impossible to ignore.
It would have been easy for me to carry that moment forward, to let it shape how I showed up for my coach, the team, or even future situations where I felt slighted or frustrated. Instead, what sticks with me now is not the benching or even the bad decision, but the awareness of how quickly emotions can hijack your perspective if you let them.
That awareness is what gives you leverage. It allows you to pause, to take a breath, and to respond in a way that aligns with who you actually want to be, not just how you feel in the moment.
Those are the moments that define you far more than the ones where everything goes right. When you are challenged, overlooked, or even treated unfairly, you are being handed an opportunity that most people waste without even realizing it. You get to decide whether you are going to shrink into the situation or rise above it, whether you are going to react or respond. The people who separate themselves are not the ones who avoid these situations altogether, but the ones who handle them with a level of composure and intention that others simply do not.
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