My fifteen-year-old is learning how to drive, and if you haven't yet had the privilege of teaching a kid how to command a vehicle, then let me tell you: you're in for a treat.
Jax will turn sixteen in December, and this summer he completed driver's training school. So as parents, our job now is to get him hours behind the wheel. It's a delicate balance between wanting him to drive and also having the patience to teach when you have somewhere to be.
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Some kids get their permit, and they are fearless behind the wheel. Some kids get their permit, and they are anxious behind the wheel. Jax is somewhere in between, and I'm grateful for it because when you have your hands on a six-thousand-pound vehicle at thirty-five miles an hour, you should be cautious.
Last week we took a little drive in the city on some side streets I knew would be rather quiet. Seattle is a major metropolitan city that was built in the late 1800s, so the roads aren't exactly wide, and we're not known for our infrastructure, so they are rather bumpy. After I asked Jax to go down a windy hill that was full of greenery with a car riding his ass, he decided it was time for him to be done.
"Would you like me to take over?" I asked.
"I'm fucking done," Jax shouted. (proving he's for sure my son)
I then asked him to pull over to the right, where a group of cars was parked, and like an inexperienced driver, we ended up accelerating the gas pedal and on the curb.
While he shouted, my wife and I held our breath, and Jax put the car in park and got out.
The best part was that there were some homeless people on the corner (because it's Seattle), and they had the biggest grin on their faces. If anything, he put on a show!
The thing is, I want him to have this anxiety that he has when it comes to driving. It's not a bad thing. It's the thing that will ground him a bit when it comes to being on the road and making intelligent decisions.
What struck me afterward was how similar that moment felt to the first few years of almost every career.
The goal isn't to eliminate fear. The goal is to develop the judgment to know when fear is trying to protect you and when it's simply trying to keep you comfortable.
The people who scare me the most aren't the ones who are nervous. They're the ones who have no fear at all. The employee who thinks they already know everything after ninety days. The new manager who believes every decision they make is the right one. The leader who mistakes confidence for competence. A little hesitation forces you to look twice, ask another question, and consider what you might be missing.
At the same time, you can't let caution become paralysis. If Jax refused to ever get behind the wheel again because he jumped one curb, he'd never become the driver he's capable of becoming. The same thing happens professionally. One bad presentation. One interview that falls flat. One failed project. One difficult boss. If every uncomfortable experience convinces you to stop taking chances, your career slowly shrinks until it's built entirely around avoiding mistakes instead of creating opportunities.
The goal isn't to eliminate fear. The goal is to develop the judgment to know when fear is trying to protect you and when it's simply trying to keep you comfortable. Those are two completely different things. One keeps you alive. The other keeps you stuck. Learning the difference may be one of the most valuable skills you'll ever develop.
I've coached people who were far too aggressive, taking every opportunity that came their way without asking whether it actually aligned with where they wanted to go. I've also coached people who analyzed every possible outcome until the opportunity disappeared altogether. Neither approach works very well. Careers, just like driving, require you to keep moving while constantly processing new information around you.
Eventually, Jax will drive by himself. My wife and I won't be sitting there with white knuckles gripping the door handle while silently praying we make it home. He'll have enough experience to trust his instincts, enough mistakes to respect the road, and enough confidence to keep going when things don't go perfectly. That's exactly how great careers are built. Experience slowly replaces panic, but it should never replace humility.
There is a sweet spot in every career between being fearless and being cautious. That's where growth lives. Be bold enough to raise your hand for the opportunity. Be confident enough to believe you can figure it out. Be cautious enough to prepare, ask for help, and recognize the consequences of your decisions. If you can live in that space, you'll spend far less time on the curb and a whole lot more time moving forward.